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SYNG

“Yes, But…”

If your meetings are akin to watching paint dry and customer objections make you want to assume the fetal position, then buckle up, compadre; you’re thirsting for 

“Yes, And…”.

“Yes” is the hearty handshake to someone’s idea; “And” is crafting a Lego palace together. The “Yes” acknowledges – it’s the embrace of your partner’s line of thinking. The “And”? That’s the glitter – your embellishment of the narrative in progress.

But wait! Are you, perhaps unwittingly, summoning the notorious party pooper, “Yes, but…”? You know, the classic buzzkill. It starts all nice and agreeable with “Yes,” but then “but” steamrolls through like a runaway shopping cart.

“Ah! Here’s why your idea stinks!” it hollers. Brakes screech, creative thinking skids to a halt, and defences rise like a medieval fortress. The aftermath? Ideas are like shy critters; they go into hiding. Alternatively, “Yes, and…” lays out the welcome mat for a creative fiesta where ideas mingle and dance.

Deep down, “Yes, and…” is about validation. The “Yes” whispers, “You’re heard and valued.” The “And” choruses, “Let’s whip up something extraordinary together!”

So, when your customer goes, “Your product costs my firstborn!” Rather than duelling it out, serenade them with “Yes, it’s a premium choice, and that’s because it’s brimming with value. Shall we explore how this investment multiplies in worth?” Apple Vision Pro, anyone? 

And, when your colleague’s idea is seemingly from cloud cuckoo land? No dismissal. Sprinkle “Yes, and…” magic: “Yes, super creative, and let’s mould it to fit our treasure map.” Gold, baby!

Stephen Colbert nails it: “With ‘Yes, and…’ you respect what your partner has initiated, and you’re building on it.”

How does one cultivate the “Yes, and…” mindset?

Tune In: Be in the moment. When someone speaks, they’re the soloist; you’re the rapt audience.

Harmonize with “Yes, and…”: Weave it into your dialogues. It’s not just a phrase; it’s a mindset.

Riff with the “And”: Improvise. Revel in adding layers to ideas.

Take a Bow, then Reflect: After the curtain falls, jot down mental notes. Was there applause? How might you tweak your next performance?

Armed with this technique, imagine a future where conversations are portals to lands of endless possibilities, where ideas bloom like fields of wildflowers, and collaboration is the air we breathe. Sounds dreamy? “Yes, and…” is your time machine. Strap in, set the dials, and warp through to that reality. Your future self will thank you.

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SYNG

The Cheesy Connection Between Abundance and Risk

Imagine this: a radiant Sunday afternoon, with the glimmering waters of Lake Ontario stretching out below. I’m perched on an 18th-floor balcony, surrounded by friends, laughter and the tantalizing aroma of a freshly baked Margherita pizza. Amid this enticing backdrop, I casually toss a nugget of wisdom into the mix.

“An abundant mindset,” I offered, with a dramatic wave of a pizza slice for emphasis, “is the secret sauce of healthy risk-taking. And scarcity? Well, that’s just a spoiled topping.”

The delicious irony of serving up profound insights one pizza slice at a time isn’t lost on me.

One major misconception about an abundant mindset is that it’s a light switch — flip it on when needed and off when not. That’s a hard no. It’s more akin to a muscle, demanding regular flexing to stay in shape. It’s a lifestyle, not just another flash-in-the-pan fad. And what’s a more engaging way to strengthen this mindset than through relaxed banter, hearty laughter, and a shared love of pizza?

A scarcity mindset, on the other hand, is the stubborn antagonist refusing to step out of its comfort zone, not unlike the villains we encounter in business and life. This mindset is obsessed with hoarding, propelled by fear, and forever stuck in the quagmire of a zero-sum game.

Been there, done that.

I recall a thought-provoking Harvard Business Review article, “The Scarcity Trap: Why We Keep Digging When We’re Stuck in a Hole,” it was clear that a scarcity mindset could indeed blur our decision-making lens, akin to attempting a Stephen King novel in a dimly lit room.

So, how do we spice up this gloomy narrative with the zesty flavour of abundance? How do we encourage an appetite for risk-taking?

1. Read, Absorb, Transform: Charlie “Tremendous” Jones famously said, “You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.” I recommended enriching titles like “Mindset” by Carol S. Dweck and “Abundance” by Peter Diamandis, potent sources of wisdom as engaging as any blockbuster.

2. Wear Gratitude Like a Crown: A cherished practice from our Indian roots, expressing gratitude is a priceless tradition, just like receiving ‘Shagun’ (auspicious gift) from elders. It doesn’t just uplift your spirits but can also boost your overall health.

3. Surround Yourself with Abundance Advocates: As the saying goes, “Tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are.” Seek out friends who perceive the world as a field of limitless opportunities.

4. Recite the Abundance Mantra: Repeat positive affirmations as meticulously as a priest chanting a sacred mantra. Start simple: “I am capable. I am abundant. I am a risk-taker.”

5. Reimagine the Risk Narrative: Think of risks like the twists and turns in a gripping movie. They’re thrilling, adventurous, and exhilarating. Changing the perspective changes the narrative.

6. Start Small, But Start Now: Take small risks, just as small steps lead to significant changes. Each step forward, no matter how modest, is a victory.

In essence, cultivating an abundant mindset is not an overnight phenomenon. It’s an art, a journey, a way of life. It requires patience, resilience, and courage; the payoff is worth the effort.

As the sun made way for the dusky evening, our conversation began to wind down. The tranquil lake, our silent confidante, seemed to echo our enlightened reflections.

The revered Indian poet Rabindranath Tagore once wrote, “You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.” So, here’s to diving into the sea of opportunities, embracing an abundant mindset, and navigating the exhilarating waves of risk. Because life, just like a delicious pizza, is best enjoyed when shared and savoured.

Speaking of which, who’s up for the next round of pizza?

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Buyer Experience Design PSD

The Stoic Coach: Stop talking. Start listening.

Coaching, within a stoic framework, is a journey of personal transformation.

At the core, both Stoicism and coaching thrive on introspection, self-improvement, and resilience. They foster a deep sense of understanding, empowering individuals to navigate their paths with wisdom. Both respect the boundary of control, focusing on self-development and facilitating others to do the same.

The Stoic’s pursuit of virtue aligns seamlessly with the coach’s commitment to unlocking potential, making them two sides of the same transformational coin.

In my journey, the principles of Stoicism and coaching harmoniously intertwined, creating a profound impact. Early in my career, each problem presented itself as a puzzle, which I, in my well-intentioned desire to control, felt compelled to solve. However, my perspective shifted under the guidance of mentors Aneesh Bhanot (Read this first), Ambar Mehrotra, Etinder Pal Singh and many more, including 📚 Michael Bungay Stanier‘s books, who embodied the stoic virtue of wisdom and the coach-like approach of questioning.

Understanding the Stoic Challenge

The challenge, borrowing from Stoic principles, lies in understanding that our role as a coach is not to control the outcomes of others but to guide them towards finding their own solutions. We must temper our “Advice Monster,” the internal force that pushes us to affirm our value through advice-giving, which is essentially a form of attempting to control the uncontrollable.

The Coaching Habit: Embracing Stoic Wisdom through Questions

“The Coaching Habit” introduces a series of transformative conversation techniques that echo Stoic wisdom. The seven key questions foster deeper engagement and self-discovery, much like a Stoic encourages introspection and self-improvement.

By asking questions such as “What’s the real challenge here for you?” or “If you say yes to this task, what are you saying no to?” we emulate the Stoic practice of inviting introspection and promoting self-discovery.

Here are all seven questions:

  1. The Kickstart Question: “What’s on your mind?” This invites your coachee to bring forward their pressing concerns.
  2. The AWE Question: “And what else?” This question encourages a deeper exploration of the topic.
  3. The Focus Question: “What’s the real challenge here for you?” This narrows the scope, pinpointing the critical issues.
  4. The Foundation Question: “What do you want?” This query clarifies the desired outcomes and goals.
  5. The Lazy Question: “How can I help?” This question facilitates a direct request for help, reducing assumptions.
  6. The Strategic Question: “If you say yes to this, what are you saying no to?” This question illuminates the trade-offs of every decision.
  7. The Learning Question: “What was most useful for you?” This question allows reflection and reinforces learning.

Consider a scenario where a team member struggles with workload management. Traditional advice-giving might involve dictating a new schedule. However, utilizing the Coaching Habit framework, you might ask, “What’s the real challenge here for you?” or “If you say yes to this task, what are you saying no to?” This facilitates self-realization and helps your coachee arrive at their own solutions.

The Advice Trap: Taming the Stoic’s Advice Monster

“The Advice Trap” resonates with the stoic concept of understanding what is within our control. Bungay Stanier identifies three types of Advice Monsters that we need to tame to become effective Stoic coaches:

  • Tell It: Always offering unsolicited advice.
  • Save It: Seeking to shield others from challenges.
  • Control It: Striving for constant control over situations and outcomes.

These Advice Monsters embody our misguided attempts to control what is not within our control, disrupting our effectiveness as Stoic coaches.

As a leader, if you find yourself jumping into problem-solving mode the moment a challenge arises, you might be dealing with a “Tell It” Advice Monster. Identifying this helps you recalibrate your approach and nurture a more facilitative role.

Building Your Stoic Coaching Habit: Actionable Steps

To cultivate an effective Stoic coaching habit, consider the following steps, each resonating with Stoic principles:

  1. Identify Your Advice Monster: Reflect on when and why you resort to giving advice.
  2. Practice Active Listening: Focus on understanding, mirroring the Stoic emphasis on perception overreaction.
  3. Incorporate the Seven Key Questions: Habitually use these questions in your conversations, embodying the Stoic practice of introspection.
  4. Allocate Time for Reflection: Post-conversation, assess what worked and what can be improved, in line with the Stoic practice of evening reflection.
  5. Extend Your Curiosity: Resist the immediate urge to advise, reflecting the Stoic principle of maintaining control over your impulses.
  6. Embrace Mindfulness: Develop self-awareness around your triggers and responses, a fundamental tenet in Stoicism.
  7. Solicit Feedback: Seek feedback actively, mirroring the Stoic focus on continuous self-improvement.

Remember, transitioning from an advice-giver to a Stoic coach is a journey of learning and unlearning. It requires patience, practice, and a deep commitment to helping others find their own path. As we embrace Stoic principles in our coaching journey, we become facilitators of discovery, growth, and empowerment, truly embodying the Stoic virtues of wisdom, justice, courage, and moderation.