Category: SYNG

Before we get into part two (part one), I am going to share an incident with you. At an early age I learned some cheap parlour tricks by incessantly watching Joey and the infamous “How you doin?” on the hit TV show “Friends”. The idea of scoring women during my early teens was empowering and thrilling. Filled with delinquent ideas and raging hormones, I’d carom myself between girls in the school corridor – with little or no success.

Little had I known that I looked nothing like Mat-Le-Blanc and nor did I star in a TV show. Upset, I sat in a corner –by the steps during lunch- one fine day and watched the other kids have a good time. This is when the cutest teacher from school came and sat right next to me (she’d notice my lunch box open with the contents intact). She asked, in her soft voice, if I was going to eat my peanut butter and jam sandwich. On seeing a blank face, she sensed something missing from my usually mischief face and threw her arms around me in a bear hug.

Boy, when you’re 13 years old and the cutest teacher in school (the one with long legs and blonde hair) throws a hug on you – you throw one right back at her and let her know who’s man. Yes sir you do. Till date, I remember those 8 seconds very clearly. She smelled like a freshly cut fruit salad with strong notes of watermelon. The sun shining above her head – like a halo – and as I moved into her arms the noise coming from a distance numbed – my first bliss cross nirvana moment.

Eureka! I discovered hugs! Along the way, I’ve tweaked and worked some great hugging techniques. In my first article we talked about the basics, but with number two, I will walk you through the language of hugging.

Firstly, and most importantly, being a namby-pamby is not going to land you any action. Put your heart into it and not muscles. Make it genuine. And remember, like lies and fake orgasms – a fake hug might rub someone in the wrong way.

When a girl has her arms around a man’s head, she wants to feel closer to him and there could be intimacy between the two. If the hands are below the shoulders (around the waist) it’s a friendly hug – but not if their chest and lower body are touching and rubbing against each other.

Tip: Like many other Europeans, you could spice up the hug by squeezing her butt with one hand while the other runs through her hair. In advertising we call this the 360 degree approach.

The next time you’re out on a date, at one of your favourite restaurants, sit by her side and sneak your arms around her. Imagine you’re in school and you can’t let the teacher see (the very thought is a riot). Tickle her forearms and elbow when she’s repeating the order to the waiter. My favourite is having her rest her head on my shoulders, while my hands play with her hair and a footsie ensues under the table.

Tip: While seated, with her head on your shoulders, slowly rub her inner thighs under the table with your nimble fingers.
Looks like dessert will have to wait…

Published originally on GQ.

Today, in the Metropolitan jungle, we’re expected to be etiquette-ready for any situation. On a single day you could be hopping between a traditional Indian wedding to meeting the CEO to drinking beer with your pals at a local pub to a blind date.

In between tea, cocktails and small talk, there’s that moment – the 5 seconds where you pop in for a hug and a peck on the cheek, although the later is rare in India – when you meet and greet people. Cut short, with my step-by-step guide, the next time you’re in a social or professional situation with a future client or spouse, there will be no awkwardness – you won’t go red in the face or fumble and crash face first. In the first part of this series, I’ll walk you through hugging your girlfriend.

Hugging her should be simple, provided you know which buttons to press. Begin “slow”- pull her close and tight (but don’t strangle her), in a smooth butter-like movement. Make her feel sexy and desired. Once you feel her breadth between your ears and neck, try a combination of slow small clockwise circles and up-down and across movements with your palms on her back – making sure the palms remain in the middle because too high suggests friendship and too low gives the wrong idea.

Give her warmth and safety. Think bang opposite her belly button. Once she throws her arms around your neck, do a little lift (give her the feeling of sweeping her off her feet). Throw in little nothing puppy dog kisses on her ear lobes and mid neck and shoulder area. Once you have her back on her feet, and if she’s biting her lip, slide your hands in her jean back pockets (sneak up on her with a butt hug) keeping it very casual unless you’re alone and she wishes to go further.

If you’ve mastered this, hug her from behind and flirt with her belly area. Depending on the mood, tickle her belly button and love handles with feather like fingers. Remember, not all, but most women love to be cuddled. Again, think cute, funny, gentle and innocent – nerd like. Leave her room for imagination to build a story she’ll never forget.

Published originally on GQ.

From what I have previously discussed, you’re A-game should be selling the idea of adventure, looking sharp, chest hair and making the first impression on Venus. That said and done, how does one go about this with little or no experience?

Begin here. Take a brief moment and think about all the times you’ve driven a group of girls to the mall, picked up their clothes from the dry cleaners or even stayed up all night listening to them rattle away about how men are dogs.

Honestly, if you partake in any of those activities, my best bet is, you’ll always remain the friend – one of the girls, so to speak.

The first thing you need to do is tell yourself, “(put your name here), you’re not going to run after women”. Repeat this in your head a few times every day. This should kindle some confidence and ignite dormant male hormones. I know what you’re thinking:

But, by doing so, wouldn’t this eliminate all my chances with females? The answer is, ‘NO’.

Here’s why. Think about all the men that run after women – making them a trophy to be won. And, here you are with the couldn’t-care-less attitude making women curious and fuelling imaginations – become the trophy.

Next, how do you fix available-on-a-whim tag without losing friends? Simple. Become exclusive, stay busy or for the sake of conversation, the next time a girl calls you to fetch her lip-gloss, let her know you’re doing something important – stuck at work, flying a plane etc.

Get the picture? By doing so, you’ll no longer be “available” all the time. In other words, you’ll come of as exclusive – the kinds women lust for.

Lastly, become or stay mysterious in the eyes of women. You can do this by speaking less about yourself, giving generalized answers and turning the conversation back on Venus. The gift of gab work like a charm, so read more newspapers, magazines etc.

Remember, be exclusive, remain mysterious and avoid chasing girls – like a dog chasing its tail – and you’ll be the man girls can’t stop talking about with their friends.

Published originally on GQ.