Recently, on my way to Delhi, at the railway station, I picked up a book: Why Men Lie and Women Cry. I figured the journey was going to be a long one, and my buddies were not exactly up in any mood for conversation.

Note: Me and Anish – the guy who thinks he’s intellectually ahead of his time. I hope he wakes up – were waiting for the train, and we spotted a book stall. I admit that this was an impulse buy, albeit worth it.

Back to the book now.

Why Men Lie and Women Cry has been written by a man and his wife: Allan and Barbara. The duo have used wit, clever humour and the right mix of testosterone and estrogen for an unputdownable read.

Since my attention span is less than a dog – without a leash, I found this book to be absorbing for its style of presentation of all topics – short, short paragraphs. Reminded me of all those flings I’ve had in life. Its one of the reasons I read this book from one end to the other in one non stop – inanely lunatic – speed.

The book starts of with: We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse. (Chinese Proverb). Once I was done with the introduction, I had my feet cemented into the ideas and scientific research accomplished by Allan and Barbara.

I felt a CONNECTION that was so refreshing, I could relate to almost all the topics – from all those flings I was talking about earlier. Page by page, I was hooked.

Once your out and done with contemplating and judging – a few of you, not all – you’ll arrive at the first chapter: Nagging. It talks about why men feel women nag them to death. Yes. A few men have committed suicides and others have even gotten divorced – the power of nagging holds immense potential, ladies. Ha. So, if you don’t like your man, nag him to your ultimate freedom. Just kidding. Don’t ever do this to my fellow brothers.

The second chapter goes into: Seven Things Men Do That Drive Women Insane. From simple chores men won’t do to why men love gross jokes – this chapter is simply riveting. Women will enjoy this more than a guy – guys will, rather, prefer to just sit back and smirk the whole time (we know we make a mess).

The next chapter: Why Women Cry is a must read for all those boys who’ve just come in contact with women or girls. It talks about how women use their arsenal of tears to bend the rules and get things done in their favour. That means… men aren’t the only lying and deceiving beings. Its just that men suck at lying and get caught far more often. I agree.

Guys, did you know women have a secret scoring system that they use to keep a check on what a man does – it apparently helps them to maintain a balance. The fourth chapter elucidates precisely on this. Apparently, men score on the importance of a task whereas a woman allocate points for an action or gift, irrespective of its size. Go grab a pen and paper and enjoy the results. According to the book: Women keep score and never forget.

For example: A man would consider buying flowers and wine to be equivalent to 10 points whereas a woman would only give you 3 points.

Note for men: Buy one flower. Save money and still get three points.

The next chapter was particularly nostalgic. Its called: Solving the Seven Biggest Mysteries About Men. Topics ranging from: Why do men avoid commitment? Why do men love sports? And, why are men so interested in ‘Boys’ toys?

And, this chapter leads to: The Other Woman – His Mother. Ladies of all ages should learn these last two chapters by heart – it’ll make your relationships with men simpler. I know you’re going to giggle the whole time.

There are also two chapters on sex appeal tests, however, I wasn’t too surprised with my results: A hole.

Remember how women use their ability to shed tears at the drop of a hat to get what they want, well, the chapter on: Women’s Secret Way With Words is used in a combination with tears to make all attacks 100% successful. No wonder they get away with paying fines and tickets.

Note: You can never fool a woman. They’re just way too smart and plus, they have 5 sensors in their heads whereas men only have 3 (the kinds used to detect lies and read voice and facial modulations). Go figure.

Lastly, there is a chapter on: What Turns Women On and one on What men should do after retirement. If you’re a man and in your early 30s and find yourself to be womanless, I’d suggest reading and memorizing all the words in: What Turns Women On and use the later to ensure she sticks around till you depart for heaven (men die much before women).

Conclusion: In all, a complete and comprehensive study of men and women, backed by facts and studies. Written in the most interesting and light hearted strokes. All the advice mentioned in the book is quiet practical and easily applicable in real life.

From what our ancestors have passed on to us and what we may possibly pass on to the next generation – it brings me to the truth: We’re not bloody unique. No one is. Really. And, if you believe that you’re unique, you need someone to slap you silly.

Lessons learnt by me:

Never lie to a woman (she has 5 sensors to detect lies and a man has only 3).

Be clear about your roles in a relationship from day one.

Woman can multi-task and therefore are good at juggling between the phone, nail paint, baby, cooking and overhearing her husband in the next room – all at the same time.

Men are excellent with the spatial part of the brain. We are good hunters and drivers.

Women like bad boys.

A man who says ‘I only believe in inner beauty,’ is probably gay or lying.

If you’re going to retire in the next couple of years – start planning (you won’t survive lazing on the beach).

Women like small efforts and appreciate compliments – always.

Just shut-up and listen when a woman is talking – it makes her feel better.

Just shut-up. Ha.

Go learn your own lessons now. Have fun!

Book: Why Men Lie and Women Cry
Authors: Allan & Barbara
Price: Rs.250/-