{"id":1099,"date":"2016-02-26T19:18:19","date_gmt":"2016-02-26T19:18:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/paulsyng.com\/blog\/?p=1099"},"modified":"2022-06-25T07:43:58","modified_gmt":"2022-06-25T11:43:58","slug":"girls-to-avoid-vol-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/paulsyng.com\/blog\/girls-to-avoid-vol-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Girls To Avoid Vol 1"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"boat\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Over the years, with my experience and trained eye, I\u2019ve compiled a flock from Venus who make us cringe, dig a grave or even recluse for the hills. These women are everywhere \u2013 living next door, at work, the coffee shop and (while you read this on your iPad) in bed sleeping. And, truth is, most men are unable to decipher Venus code, leading to the point of no return \u2013 marriage and kids. I say, lets attune those senses, drivel the past and start afresh \u2013 the right way.<\/p>\n

How does one go about doing such a thing? Simple, understand the opponent, keep your ears open (like Toby Maguire from Spiderman), observe the finer details and pay close attention to what I\u2019m about to tell you next.<\/p>\n

Xena \u2013 Femina Warrior<\/strong> <\/em>
\nMost commonly found in the corporate jungle or a leadership position. The sword, steel bust plate and Greek lace are replaced by Gucci ghetto. She oozes feminism – you\u2019ll often receive a women-have-bigger-balls indictment. And, male chauvinism will be frowned upon. The flipside, however, has some advantages i.e. dominatrix in bed, lots of leather and spanking. Unless you\u2019re secretly a man lesbian, you\u2019d be better of with The Tease.<\/p>\n

The Tease<\/strong> <\/em>
\nThis breed embodies a cute cuddle-like face, perfect bumpers and nature similar to Cameron Diaz from Charlie\u2019s Angels. She\u2019s fun, flamboyant, drinks like a bear and a natural trophy with your boys. Being with this girl is as good as bungee jumping without rubber. Every moment will be a Kodak one, you\u2019re face will glow and life will be beautiful. But, you\u2019ll be pissed because after all that attention, \u201cthe special-feeling\u201d, so to speak, she\u2019ll drop you like a peanut the moment you spill your beans i.e. speak your heart. Be prepared with tissues and lots of vodka.<\/p>\n

Pocket Poojari<\/strong> <\/em>
\nUsually found buzzing around rich ugly men with deep pockets \u2013 like flee on shit. The Pocket Poojari (devotee) is usually a 10 \u2013 every square inch dipped in sexy vanilla goo that makes men week in the knees. At this point, you\u2019d be thinking what\u2019s he got? The answer – my friend \u2013 is in the pocket of credit cards that sit next to a Mercedes engraved fob. Unless you\u2019re one of the Lehman brothers, prepare to auction your assets.<\/p>\n

Holy Bebe<\/strong><\/em>
\nYou will bump into her at the temple, post prayer or pre service. A moment you will regret later with your half-baptised brain. The \u201cHoly Bebe (typical Indian aunty)\u201d has an answer from God for everything, including a holy cure for infidelity. At first, all this may come of as cute and funny, but once things get serious you\u2019ll experience frequent pooja-path (prayers) \u2013 even before sex, and maybe even after. Be prepared with holy books, candles and oodles of meditation.<\/p>\n

Matrimony Devi<\/strong><\/em>
\nYou\u2019ll meet her in cooking class, at the gym or during morning yoga in the park. Her innocent brown eyes, soft-spoken nature and simplicity will have you howling in the middle of the night like a thirsty cave man. Being with her is all about mushy talk, incessant updates that sound like where you are, have you eaten, have you pooped, did you wake up, where are you now? Her cute dimpled-smile will \u2013in a short span- turn into annoying rants of how you should get married. If you\u2019re a typical Indian man who\u2019s an over possessive nincompoop, I\u2019d say get the hell out of here.<\/p>\n

Published originally on GQ<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Over the years, with my experience and trained eye, I\u2019ve compiled a flock from Venus who make us cringe, dig a grave or even recluse for the hills. These women are everywhere \u2013 living next door, at work, the coffee shop and (while you read this on your iPad) in bed sleeping. And, truth is, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[61,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1099","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gq","category-syng"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/paulsyng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1099","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/paulsyng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/paulsyng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paulsyng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paulsyng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1099"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/paulsyng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1099\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1616,"href":"https:\/\/paulsyng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1099\/revisions\/1616"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/paulsyng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1099"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paulsyng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1099"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paulsyng.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1099"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}