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GQ SYNG

The First Impression

the first impression

Alright, you’ve memorized the language spoken on Venus in one odious chug-a-thon. What next? How do you move from classroom inspired ideas into the real world – a place where women swarm around like sharks, making lawyers poodles in frocks?
Frankly, first impressions are old fashioned; yet they work like a charm with certain resilience. Prepare well. Do the maths – girls have been imagining prince charming to the rescue. I say, why break a habit.

In other words, don’t you love it when women smell like fresh mangos? Women appreciate the effort too. Attend to male grooming emergencies and pamper every square inch – you never know where the night may take you.
Truth is, women dress well because they want to be approached; they want men to walk up to them and initiate conversation. Next time you walk into a bar and see a huddle of beautiful girls eyeing you, go make that first move – it turns them on even more.

Here is the tricky bit: what comes next? You’ve wooed her with your uber cool pick up line – the one you’ve memorized backward from college, ordered the first drink and seated her across a private table. Now what?

The real test begins.

Holding her attention will require the right mix of cocktails, humour, intellect, flirting and, of course, swagger. A good tip to keep in mind is to let her do most of the talking. A typical conversation should have you talking no more than a quarter of the time. And this too, should just be lots of “I see” and “I understand.” Women love it when men listen with an ear of interest.

And lastly, one of the most crucial aspects of making the first impression is avoid coming across a perve. It is the worst thing you could do to your A game. For example: while escorting her, place your arm on her back, but be very careful where you place the hand, too low shows desperation, too high means amateur.

Remember, girls want the same things as you do, so show them that you have a naughty side, help them experience a platter of feelings they can’t resist. Cheers!

Published originally on GQ.

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SYNG

Day 1

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Day 1, June 23, 2015
Chandigarh-Mumbai

By 3am we had successfully failed for 4 straight hours at booking a trip to the concrete jungles of India- Bombay, Delhi and Bangalore.

Anyone who’s ever lived in small town will tell you how suffocating clean air and a peacful life can be.

Bring on the crowd and chaos.

It now reminds me of Balram Halvai’s dream of moving to the big city and wearing a uniform and blowing a silver whistle, the protaganist of a fictional novel The White Tiger, which I began to read on the flight later during the day.

[Wait, I forgot to elucidate the ‘we’ up there.]

Frustrated, we took a bite out of the salami sandwhich my sister had prepared for us.

[That makes it three people. Unless, otherwise specified.]

She was amused by our prdicament. Every now and then she’d walk by the table, pause, look over our shoulders and see the booking page screen stuck in a time warp.

If Nippun had had his way, we’d be trekking in the Himalayas or what people refer to as the outdoors. I, on the other hand, feel otherwise. No cell connectivity, no go.

A compromise has been drawn.

Relieved, we (Nippun, a friend who happens to be a musician and teacher) punched in our itinerary short of 2 weeks. After much deliberation, the flighst were booked, added to Passbook on our iPhones and tucked neatly away under “Trips” in my Cleartrip travel app.

Nerdgasm.

That morning, I not only had to pack my bags but go for my workout and before returning home make a pit stop at the office to pickup the Macbook Pro charger.

Senior Designer, Brand Designer, Experience Designer, Art Director, Creative Director, Branding, Brand Consultant, Brand Strategy, Brand Architecture, Brand Engagement, Brand Experience Design, Graphic Designer, Web Designer, Freelance Designer, Freelance Graphic Designer, Freelance Web Designer, Packaging Designer, Poster Design, Album Cover Design, Branded Environment Design, Environmental Graphics, Signage & Wayfinding, Logo Design, Brandmark, Brand Identity, Brand Driver, Brand Positioning, Naming, Verbal Branding, Visual Driver, Brand Guidelines, Book Cover Design, Editorial Design, Lookbook Design, Communication Design, Copywriter, Blogger, Brand Design Studio, Toronto, Downtown Toronto, New York, New York City, NYC, TDOT, GQ

Luckily, on my way back home, I recieved a text from GoAir informing me of a 50 minute flight delay due to heavy rains and wind.

With that text, I now had the luxury of covering a few more errands and feeling impressed by GoAir’s courtious service.

No. They don’t pay me to write good shit about them.

You know what, little things make me happy. I think it’s meticulous attention to details that catches my fancy everytime.

Design. Design. Design the tiny experiences. Someone’s got to give a shit and really care. It shows. Trust me.

Tyres inflated, check. Toenails clipped, check.

Nippun arrives in an Uber and we’re off to the airport. Not having to print out a ticket seems so obvious now when only a few years ago, it couldn’t have been imagined.

We’re checked-in (not on Facebook and Foursquare) and waiting for a boarding announcement.

In other news, Nippun hasn’t slept or had anything to eat this morning while adding another absent to his workout calendar. He makes a beeline for the coffee and sandwhich stall.

Spotify numbs me from crying babies and the loud chatter of passengers. I keep telling myself, this moment is not a rehersal to a kindergarten school play.

I love kids in adult bodies only.

I turn to page 46, pull out my left ear piece to make sense of the announcement and look out towards the tarmac. At first, I see grey tones but as I adjust my lense and earpiece, the romantic downpour appears to be trees in the depths waving their arms up in the air like they just don’t care.

The smell of rain, cheap coffee, a pair naked toes and the sight of an aircraft, in the longest time, appear in slow motion towards boarding gate 2 is bliss.

Allow me to better describe “bliss” here.

Senior Designer, Brand Designer, Experience Designer, Art Director, Creative Director, Branding, Brand Consultant, Brand Strategy, Brand Architecture, Brand Engagement, Brand Experience Design, Graphic Designer, Web Designer, Freelance Designer, Freelance Graphic Designer, Freelance Web Designer, Packaging Designer, Poster Design, Album Cover Design, Branded Environment Design, Environmental Graphics, Signage & Wayfinding, Logo Design, Brandmark, Brand Identity, Brand Driver, Brand Positioning, Naming, Verbal Branding, Visual Driver, Brand Guidelines, Book Cover Design, Editorial Design, Lookbook Design, Communication Design, Copywriter, Blogger, Brand Design Studio, Toronto, Downtown Toronto, New York, New York City, NYC, TDOT, GQ

As the plane made it’s way towards the gate, my chin raised itself by an inch, back straightened to get a better glimpse of the fuselage of this Airbus 320. Only women do this chest out, back straight, flirt-body-innuendo better.

A feeling of awe.

Even upon landing, on the shuttle bus towards the terminal, I’m consumed with plane livery, picking my favourites and drawing mental sketches of how’d they could be designed better.

Turns out the first Uber I book out of the gate belongs to an American-English-accent speaking driver. He requests me to rebook as he’s about to end his shift. Something about white people language… I let him off the hook.

The next Uber took us via SeaLink and Haji Ali, as requested. We arrive opposite to a minimal sign labled ‘Abode’. I striked off the hotel from my “places to visit” mental Foursquare checklist.

We’re greeted to a beautiful lobby…

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SYNG

Guy finds girlfriend’s Backpage post

Senior Designer, Brand Designer, Experience Designer, Art Director, Creative Director, Branding, Brand Consultant, Brand Strategy, Brand Architecture, Brand Engagement, Brand Experience Design, Graphic Designer, Web Designer, Freelance Designer, Freelance Graphic Designer, Freelance Web Designer, Packaging Designer, Poster Design, Album Cover Design, Branded Environment Design, Environmental Graphics, Signage & Wayfinding, Logo Design, Brandmark, Brand Identity, Brand Driver, Brand Positioning, Naming, Verbal Branding, Visual Driver, Brand Guidelines, Book Cover Design, Editorial Design, Lookbook Design, Communication Design, Copywriter, Blogger, Brand Design Studio, Toronto, Downtown Toronto, New York, New York City, NYC, TDOT, GQ

Rested my laptop, walked out of Starbucks on the corner of Fifth Ave & 49th Street and to my shock/surprise, in the middle of the chaos that is Manhattan -at 6pm- a hot girl (possible part-time model) jumps out of an Uber cab and bolts for the next one.

Seconds later, as the camera pans back to the street, out comes a brownish guy, from the same vehicle. He’s chasing that girl. From the looks of it, his body language tied to a foul mouth, you’d assume they’re fighting over his tiny penis.

Don’t ask me how the tiny penis got into all this. Stay with me, it gets better. I’m back onto my iPhone 5s (Gold) and searching for the closest Fedex Office, as I need to send a pair of shoes to a close friend back home.

Alright, I don’t know how but somehow the generic street noise numbs and I begin to hear the couple yelling foul and, my curious bitch instincts act up, strategically placing me yards away from the aforesaid relationship debacle.

I’m enjoying the yelling and public scene. It’s net neutrality free drama. Here’s where the conversation takes a whole new dimension.

The guy yells out, “I know about your back page listing BITCH!!!”.

*Gulp. A shiver runs down my rectum.

For those who’re naive and innocent unless proven in court, Backpage is where men go to find whores. Most of these girls are foreigners trying to make it into NYC by soliciting their genitals for rent money. Or in other words, these are your conventional strippers/prostitutes gone tech savvy. They are currently developing an app for the Apple watch- abled to send vibrations directly to your cock (fuck the cute hearts).

I can only imagine. Wait. Actually. I can’t imagine what’s going on in this guy’s head on finding the love of his life (who probably slept with him once- minus the head or anal) is fucking Manhattan for cash.

*Here’s a billion dollar idea. Feel free to develop it and send me equity. Paypal/Uber for whores. Fuck you if it exists.

Here’s the thing. NYC is a bit crazy like that. Men and women are casually dating 3-4 people at a time. Imagine the STDs going around. Phew! Phew!

I’m not taking sides here but that dude got fucked over. The moral of the story. If you think you’re getting serious over a chick, search for the brunette with a dimple on her lower abdomen on Backpage.

By the way, shipping a pair of shoes through Fedex is three times the cost of the merchandise. Fuck, right?