Addicted to software updates

Is that even a thing? For the sake of conversation, let’s make some wild assumptions. Are you with me? Let’s go!

I get a dopamine rush at the sight of an “Update” button on the App Store. I love having every single piece of software operating in the latest version; be it a MacBook Pro, the iPhone or my Apple Watch.

Like your average nerd, I am enrolled in every single beta programme out there, taking first dibs at the latest and greatest stuff one could imagine in their wildest dreams.

Just thinking about what I’m going to be doing minutes after finishing this nugget is making me ticklish. I bet we are not on the same page right now.

This year, on Christmas, when Hyundai announced a software update for my car; bringing Apple Car Play to the 2016 Sonata, I was stoked. Santa must be impressed with my behaviour, I concluded.

But there have been instances when my addiction got the best of me. Like the time I was out on a Tinder date; I updated a girl’s phone while she was away to the bathroom. Only to be caught red-handed minutes later, as she stood behind my back, in shock, while I updated half-a-dozen apps on her phone. Don’t even get me started on her firmware. In my defence, she was away for a long time, and I got lonely.

Word of advice to girls on Tinder: Please add “Don’t update my phone while I’m trying to take a massive dump!” to your bio to avoid any further confusion or take a knee and get left swiped.