A Guide To Rejection


Unless you’re Hank Moody from Californication or a shade of Brad Pitt’s chiselled Greek-half twin sibling, there’s a good chance you get the my-blood-freezes-so-I-hose-down-the-armpits-and-stutter at the sight of gorgeous ladies syndrome.

This fear is triggered by thoughts of humiliation, in public mostly, and having your –delicate dandelion- masculinity trampled over by a girl and then not being able to handle the scene like a man.

FYI: Even for the few who did gather up their balls “this-one-time-in-the-summer-of-1987” and got rejected and drowned in a sack of rejection forever- there’s hope.

Like if you’re a premature launcher of excitement, the boo-boo fixer will write you a cure. Like a “relax, take a deep breath and exhale” routine.

So, here’s what you need to do.

Although, I bet even Hank Moody has his off days. Well, to be honest, and I know what you’re thinking; the guy is clearly a chick magnate, the woman-whisperer so to speak, right? But, he does have offs. I know. OK?

The real secret is practice and speaking with loads of women in your routine. You’re going to prepare and embrace yourself to be like a squash ball-resilient.

Pro tip: The hottest looking girls get hit on the least because most men assume they are already taken.

Location, location, location. The best place to approach hotties is either in a professional atmosphere or at a club or a social event (like a nude parade, kidding) when most girls let their guards down.

In short, it is easier to strike up a conversation there versus the creep who followed me home.

Are you with me?

Next, make it casual. Start the conversation with what you’re doing at that point in time. Like, if this is a girl working at the shoe store, walk in and stroll around for a bit and approach her with a “are those shoes available in red?”

Mimic the playground. Hesitation and fear can be overcome by speaking with women who work at coffee shops, the passenger in the next seat on the train home, at the office water-cooler, the gym reception, wherever they are supposedly employed for customer service, which in turn will build your confidence.

Pro tip: Walk into a ladies store and chat up the sales girls. You can use the “I’m looking for something special to give to my grandma or sister for her birthday/ anniversary” routine.

This again will build your confidence over time and reduce hesitation in speaking with the opposite sex.
With time, and once you feel you’re ready (and, you’ll know you’re ready), begin to approach ladies at clubs first (because they are their to have a good time and bonus is they are probably drunk).

Once you’re comfortable speaking with women, handling and composing yourself will become a lot easier. The best and easiest way to approach and handle any lady is with a smile, a non-obtrusive and nosy attitude and keeping your chin up no matter what.

Pro tip: Speaking in a soft voice will bring her closer to you (because she wants to hear what you have to say) and maintaining that tone no matter what.

Lastly, exit on an optimistic note (always) because there are plenty of fishes in the sea. Who knows where you’ll hook the next one. Cheers!!

Published originally on GQ.


By Paul Syng

Paul Syng is a multi-disciplinary designer based in Toronto. He focuses on a problem-seeking, systems thinking approach that can take any form or function.